[ArashixOhno] Schedule (Crack fic)

Ohno-Schedule

Title : Schedule
Author : kegom
Pairing : ArashixOhno
Genre : Crack, Fluff. Cracky fluff, if there exists a thing like that.
Rating : PG
Word Count: 1.287
Summary : The other four want Ohno to choose one of them. Unfortunately, he’s unable to do that and another solution has to be found.

A/N : This fic came to be through a comment-thread in darkeyedwolf’s journal, in which both guiltyschu and I commented on how Ohno might be like that one cuddly toy in nursery school that is so beloved by every child that, at nap time, the nursery teacher gives it to a different child each day, to prevent fights from breaking out.
So it’s basically thanks to those two lovely ladies that I came to write this fic. I’m not sure how much of a compliment this is for them, but – there you go!




Schedule


Two years after Arashi had first formed, the rest of the band sat Ohno down for a serious talk.

“Ne, leader…” Sho, who, judging on the nudges he got from Nino and Aiba, had been decided upon as the spokesman, began hesitatingly. “…Last week I saw you in the studio’s restroom with Nino.”
“Oh.” Ohno scratched his head, not quite sure what he was supposed to say.
“And a few days ago I saw you with Aiba.” Nino butted in. “And Aiba saw you with Jun and Jun didn’t see you with Sho, because he’s always so careful with things like that, but I know you slept with him anyway because I found a photo on his mobile of you sleeping in his bed.”
“Oh…” Ohno thought for a moment. “Isn’t it rude to look through other people’s files on their mobiles?”

The rest of Arashi stared at him. Ohno stared back, bemusedly.
“Leader…” Jun finally said. “That’s not quite the point we’re getting at.”
Ohno waited. The others exchanged looks.
“…The point is,” Sho started again after five minutes of uncomfortable silence, “we’d like to know who you like most of us.”
“Yeah!” Nino butted in again. “’Cause it’d be hell for the band if we were to fight over you, but the way it’s been going on, one of us will end up jealous, so it’s better if you decide now. So. Who do you like best?”

Ohno looked from one to the other.

Aiba, fidgeting around, who had first kissed him in the tiny Ramen restaurant they had gone to after practice. His kiss had been wet and inexperienced and slobbery, getting bits of his food into Ohno’s mouth and when he’d withdrawn he’d looked like a puppy waiting for a beating until Ohno had settled himself comfortably against his side and proceeded to finish off Aiba’s food.

Sho, who had given him a card with a beautifully written haiku, declaring his intentions, on it and stood there expectantly until he realized that Ohno didn’t know half the kanji he had used and who had, instead of scolding him for his stupidity, gently laughed and read the card out loud for him, reassuringly stroking his back all the while.

Jun, who had surprisingly kissed him on the head in a photo-shoot one day and had taken his hand and dragged him off to an unused dressing room afterwards. His palm had been sweaty, Ohno recalled, and he’d been really rough at first to cover up his awkwardness.

Nino, who had been the very first of them to approach him, who had stripped him with constant murmurs of “Sshh, let me do this, ne, because you’re Oh-chan, so it’s alright” and who had been really loud during sex and Ohno hadn’t had the heart to tell him that porn films weren’t exactly the best or most realistic way to learn how to have sex with someone, and instead had taught him that with his own body over the next weeks.

He closed his eyes. His bandmates. His Arashi.
“I can’t decide,” he said softly.

Silence reigned in the room afterwards.
“But,” Sho asked hesitantly, “isn’t there one of us you like better than the others? There has to be! Say, who is the one you mostly initiate the sex with?”
Ohno blinked at him uncomprehendingly.
“…What’s ‘initiate’?” Aiba asked.
“Start” Jun answered. “Who of us he starts sex with the most.”
“Oh – well, he never starts it with me!” Aiba said with a frown. Jun shook his head.
“Me neither.”
“He never initiated sex with me either” Sho said softly. They all looked at Nino.
“Of course he’s initiated it with me!” Nino boasted, but relented, when Ohno frowned a little and the others continued to stare at him. “OK…” he confessed sullenly. “He never asked me for sex. Or tried to do anything with me. But he never says no!”
Jun smacked the back of his head.
“Idiot! He doesn’t say no to ANY of us! That’s the problem!”
“…Why is it a problem?” Ohno asked suddenly. The others stared at him. Ohno elaborated. “You want to have sex with me. I like having sex with you. Why is that a problem?”
Jun rolled his eyes.
“Because I, for one, don’t want you to have sex with the others when you could be having sex with me!” The unsaid “idiot” was hanging in the room.
“We could have an orgy!” Aiba suddenly spoke up and broke into a giggling fit. Jun and Nino regarded him with a disgusted, Sho with a shocked expression.
“I don’t want to have sex with him!” Jun said, pointing at Nino. Nino vigorously nodded his head and shuddered.
“I’m not having an orgy!” Sho sounded scandalized.
Ohno watched them with mild interest.

“We have to think of something, though.” Nino said after a few seconds. “It can’t go on like that, or I’ll punch one of you in the jaw one day!”
Again, Jun rolled his eyes. “As if you could punch me!”
Nino sneered at him.
Sho rubbed his forehead and grimaced.
“Nino’s right. We can’t go on like this. We have to think of a way to share him that doesn’t involve having an orgy.” he said.

Again, silence reigned supreme for a long time.

While the other four were thinking hard, biting their lips and shuffling their feet uncomfortably, Ohno stared vaguely at the wall ahead of him. He was sure they’d find a way that would make all of them happy. And until then, he could think of the katsudon he was going to have for dinner. He hoped it would be half as good as his mother’s. She made the best food ever, naturally, but thanks to his full schedule, he didn’t get to eat her food as often as he liked…
“Schedule” he said abruptly. The others looked at him in surprise. Ohno grinned back.
“Let’s do a Satoshi-Schedule!” he explained. “Like we have for individual singing lessons! Everyone can have me at a different time like that!”
Sho nodded thoughtfully.
“You know, guys, that could work. We could make it that everyone can have him for a week.”
“A week for each of us?!” Jun sounded horrified. “That means every one of us will have to spend three weeks without him!”
“I can’t do that!” Nino immediately cut in. “I can’t spend three weeks without touching him!”
“Me neither!” Aiba agreed.
“Fine. Make it one day a week then.” Sho was determined to make this work. “One of us can have him on Monday, the next on Tuesday, and so on.”
“That will last us till Thursday” Jun pointed out. “What will we do the rest of the days?”
“Friday is Reward-Day!” Ohno suggested brightly.
“Reward-Day?”
“Whoever did really well in practice, or whatever, the last week can have me that day!” Ohno explained.
Aiba frowned unhappily and rubbed his knee that he had banged earlier that day.
“What if one of us gets hurt? It’s not fair that he won’t have a chance at having you that day!” he whined.
“Ah…” Ohno thought. “Reward-And-Comfort-Day, then!” he beamed, proud of his idea.
“And Saturday and Sunday?” Jun still sounded sceptical.
Ohno’s mouth settled in a determined line.
“Saturday and Sunday I’m going home to my mom!” he said in a voice that forbade any discussions about this point. Not that anyone would have dared to argue with him. Ohno’s attachment to his mother was legendary and he wouldn’t have been Ohno without it.

“Ok.” Sho finally said. “Days?”
“Wanna JanKen for it?” Nino asked with a cheeky grin. “Since today is Friday, I’m totally going to win Monday!”

And so he did.



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